Se Ri Pak's Tour Diary

As originally written by Se Ri Pak for Joong Ang Ilbo. Translation by LoveGiants

Diary Entry #37: Father's tears have spurred me to go ahead

Nowadays, there's one thing that really hurts me: it's the prejudice against my father. When I participated in the British Women's Open, one British newspaper mentioned my father's past and called me 'the daughter of a gangster.' At that time, I was so badly hurt that I did not even want to touch my clubs. Whatever he was in the past, whether or not he is shunned by others, he is the most precious person to me. He is the man I respect most.

Father is not easily moved to tears. But, he has shed tears for me several times. As I recall, he has shed tears in front of me twice. The first time was when I did not make the cut at the Tomboy Women's Open in 1994. (Tomboy is a popular casual wear brand in Korea). At that time, he scolded me severely, and then, when I finally burst into tears, he also cried.

The other time was when the Songam amateur championship was held at Taegu CC in 1995. I won the tournament, but father and I had to run away from there as soon as the awards ceremony was over, because he did not have enough money to give a treat in celebration of his daughter's winning the event, just as others always did. At that time, all he had in his wallet was 50,000 won, just enough to buy gasoline to return to our home in Yuseong. He did want to give a great treat to all the tournament officials and other players and enjoy celebrating my victory. But back then, he was so badly off that he had no choice but to run away from there before someone said, "How about treating us?"

That day, the rain kept pouring down. I was busy being congratulated by others when father motioned
me to come. His signal meant, "Let's leave here quickly." He and I went out of the back entrance of the clubhouse and ran towards our car quietly.

We got completely wet in the rain. Father stared at me vacantly for a moment. He seemed to feel miserable after stealing away in the rain with the trophy in his arms. He looked so distressed then.
He just said, "My daughter won the victory, but all I can do for her is make her run away...." He repeated that again and again, and finally stopped the car, and dried his tears.

At that time, he made me so sad. I always remember his tears. When I become lazy, the memory of his tears spurs me to go ahead.

I have a wish about my father. I hope that his lower back pain will not grow any worse. I haven't been badly ill so far, and some say that that's because my father has been sick instead of me. He says that especially when I get near victory, he feels pain. His lower back pain is the most acute, but he also feels sharp pains in his shoulders and knees.

He says that some shamans constantly tell him that he suffers from illness instead of his daughter. They say that kind of thing often happens between those who are tied with a spiritual relationship.

My father will serve the community a lot from now on. Now he is busy with volunteering to help the victims of the flood disaster. I hope that people will judge him not by what he was but by what he is.

Diary Entry #38: To be a player representing Korea

After winning the LPGA Championship, my attitude towards golf changed.

At first, I had started golf in the hope of making a lot of money. When I left for the US, what I wanted to do was to make a lot of money to allow my parents to live in luxury. The press also would figure out how much I'd earned every time I won. People may still think that I play golf mainly for money.

In Korea, I was notorious for parsimony. I became stingy because I saw my father suffer from poverty. When I got monthly allowances, I saved them and bought a father's day present for my parents. I even erased what I had written on notes and reused them. Except for the cost of participating in tournaments and having meals, I do not spend money on myself.

Samsung offers clothes for tournaments and Yu Ri (her sister) sends me clothes for everyday use. What Yu Ri sends to me are all clothes bought at Namdaemun market. (Namdaemun market is the most famous wholesale market for clothes in Korea. They sell clothes for very cheap prices there.)

Some people ask me, "On what will you spend all your money?" I save it to do some valuable things in the future.

I came to change my attitude towards golf thanks to Korean residents in the US. In the US, the difference between being on top and being second class is so extreme. To be on top is especially great here. In such a country like this, ardent support from them gives me enormous amounts of energy.

I was so moved to see them cheer for me with a Korean national flag in one hand, regardless of their occupations.
Their cheer made me feel a patriotism I had not known till then. I even became ashamed that I had played golf for money.

There was an elderly lady who followed me for all 4 days, though she had difficulty walking, saying, "I could exercise enough thanks to you", a man who said, "Nowadays, life is a great joy thanks to you", and a man who asked me earnestly to do my best, pointing at the Korean national flags around the tournament course and saying, "Please do your best so that the spirit of Koreans may flap in the sky of the US, even when you cannot win the tournament." I was so moved to hear that.

I determined that I would always be on the course if I could encourage the Korean Americans and the people in Korea. I will not be on the course only for myself.

Golf is a mental sport. I feel that my golf becomes more mature thanks to this feeling of duty. "I have never been more proud than now since I came to the US." The words of the Korean Americans have given me great courage.